Chronically happy blogs- January

A bit late in the game for new years resolutions, but that’s kind of the whole point really. Because the idea that we try and change our lives only in  January (let’s be honest here, I’ve never kept up a NYR for longer than that) is a silly tradition. So these are my goals for the year, and I’ll probably come back to them and edit them as I go along. 

Seize the day: I want to continue to try new things, with as much energy and enthusiasm as I can. To not allow the fear of trying to stop me, the worry that I might fail or make a fool of myself and do something wrong. For years I wanted to start a blog, but i kept putting it off, worrying i had nothing interesting to say, what people would think, what difference it would make. And it was only last year I started it, one random day I stopped waiting for the right moment (I was never going to be “ready”) and I did it. And never looked back!

 A lot happened to me last year (also to others and the world) that really made me think and reflect on my life. I slowly came to realise that I want to stop wasting my life away thinking what if! Because the day might come when I’m no longer around, and I don’t want to have any regrets or what ifs. Enjoy the moment a bit more, yolo :p

Be more assertive: I have this really bad habit of not being very decisive, or trusting myself, my opinions and decisions. Lots of self doubting, umming and erring, and apologising for myself for no reason. I’ve come to realise that this is a symptom of anxiety, and I am a very anxious person, you may not know that about me. I get a lot of people telling me how brave and strong and confident I am, when a lot of the time I do not feel that way at all! So there you go. I would like to be more assertive when I talk and write, and that will help me. Stop myself when I catch myself saying sorry, 

Be happy and look after myself: these resolutions/goals all seem quite vague, this one especially. I don’t like to set goals that are vague, because it means I’m far less likely to them them. Like when I keep telling myself to “exercise more” when actually this doesn’t motivate me at all. But when I say to myself, I’m going to go for a run on Friday, or I’m going to do yoga on Saturday, it’s those small focused plans which get me to my overall goal. 

So perhaps this task will be to write down each day, either in a diary or on my blog, one thing that made me smile. Ergh, yuk that sounds a bit soppy. 

… actually, exercise does make me happy. Writing makes me happy too, in a weird self indulging way. So I’ll blog about my exercise, and that way I’ve committed to getting fit. I do want to talk about health and wellbeing, but learnt that I’m too busy to write every day (from anyone who followed my December blogs writing every day didn’t quite work out!) So weekly, I’ll write at least once a week, my chronically happy blogs

Okay. I think that’s me done for now! Until next time. X 

In memory of my dear cat Kenny

No easy way to start this, but I desperately wanted to write about this because writing is how I cope when things get tough. I write in my diaries but also wanted to share this for anyone who knew Kenny. 

So this something I wrote about a month ago, I’ve kept it mostly but didn’t post it because it seemed like a weird premonition (I mean, probably not, but it still felt a bit weird like tempting fate)

Also thought about rewriting it.. but I quite like that this is one snapshot piece of writing to show how I felt at the time. And also don’t feel like writing so much today.. (I’ll add a bit to the end)

Crazy Cat Lady’s love and relationships

My cat just now wandered into my room, looked at me, looked at the wall. Did a squat, and I knew what would happen next. Yes, he did a big poo on the carpet. Then he paused, and walked back out the door.

For some reason my head decided that this is a good metaphor for life or relationships. Life, and relationships, can be surprising. You never quite know what will happen, and something that’s weird could turn out to be really funny.

Apologies for being so vulgar, but my cat is getting very old, and now this is a normal thing for us we’re used to it. Much like a new born baby, we would think that was natural. Kenvy is forever not using his litter tray and using the rest of the house to deposit various bodily fluids. Poor thing has no dignity left, he’s peed pooped and sicked all over the house (we do always clean it up, our house is clean!) He also yowels and meows all the time. But, it’s okay, he can’t help it and we forgive him.

Anyway, back to the metaphor  (I’m bad at metaphors, this is more like an analogy) so the poo, urgh the poo, it’s cleaned up now yess, but I think it’s symbolic of something. I think with life and relationships,  you have to be forgiving and accepting. Yes life can get sh*t and bad, and annoying or frustrating, but never give up on it. I still love my cat despite all his flaws, and even though I joke that he needs to go so we can get a dog, I’m really gonna miss him when he goes…

He’s a miracle cat, he really does have 9 lives, he’s very much surpassed the one life he’s been given. First off, we found him abandoned as a stray cat, so he never had the best start in life. Then, when we went on holiday one time he got knocked down by a lorry on the south circular, and somehow survived. He’s been trapped in barbed wire and we found him shivering in the cupboard ill. He got cat cancer and had off the charts bad results, and he made a miracle recovery (I think that’s thanks to our great vet too!) And he’s also gone deaf and had varions other things go wrong..

So yes, he’s a special cat and I really like him. When I was little I named him Kenny after the South Park character (cheeky I knew South Park at the age of 5!) And it’s funny someone only just recently pointed out that that’s the character who keeps on dying and keeps on coming back, I’d never noticed the connection.

But this poo is only small, 

Clean up the poo, accept it, get on  with the day. That was one small thing in this huge mad world. 

~~~

Because now he’s gone I wish he was still around for me to clean it up… as I write this now I miss that he’s not pestering me and sitting on my lap. He’d always be on my lap, in the mornings when I was doing my physio, in the evenings watching tv. I’d feel bad kicking him off and especially these past months when his legs were frail he wouldn’t get off on his own.

I used to be a bit cynical about people losing pets, I guess you never quite realise how much they mean to us (this sometimes happens with people passing away too I’ve found) until they’re gone.  
And I will always be cat lady, maybe I will have dogs but they’ll have to like cats.. And noone will ever replace Kenny, I didn’t realise how much I’d miss him until he was gone. And even though he was just my silly cat, he was part of the family! 

19 years we’ve had him. That’s a long time to know anyone… and he’ll never be forgotten!